Why we weren’t invited to last night’s GQ Awards 2010

There’s an old dwarven proverb, “Never injure your pride by substituting your axe for a smith’s hammer”, which means “pick the right tool for the job”. Thing is, the right tools aren’t always available.

Perfect-world logic would dictate, for instance, that in order to write this feature on what celebs were wearing at the 2010 GQ awards, I should be equipped with a solid understanding of celebrities and fashion. In practice, the best I can offer is, well – the odd dwarven proverb. Not to mention some childish insults.

Still, ‘faint heart ne’er won fair lady’ and so on. That’s not dwarven, by the way. I think it’s medieval. Much like – brilliant segue! – David Bailey‘s shirt! It looks like a bit of the Bayeux Tapestry. Somebody should tell the French.

Vogue model Daisy Lowe is wearing a fetching Dr Seuss-esque number that totally doesn’t make her look like a giant lost sock.

Captain America star Hayley Atwell was eaten by a leopard on her way to the Opera House, but fortunately she kept her cool and simply stuck her feet out the bottom end, transforming the enraged puss into a striking dress.

Mark Ronson‘s exquisite grey suit compliments his ribald pink shirt like a coating of underseat dust compliments a dropped popsicle. Finger-lickin’ good.

Alexandra Burke‘s bum-enlarger came straight from Paperchase. Careful, staples!

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